change and the next chapter

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

 Oh, how true that is.


Yesterday I felt that 'melancholy' feeling, and it stuck with me for awhile.  Now, this use to be the type of thing that would send me off on a rant, upset and feeling jilted.  

Now, though - I still feel the melancholy, or as I called it yesterday the 'bummed' feeling of the change, but it does not conquer me, and I choose not to let it stir up thoughts of how God must not understand what I need, what I want....  

I allow myself to 'feel' the close of one chapter even when there is a pause before the next chapter can begin without letting 'fear' seep through and grow.


I am not sure what will be around the next corner, and so sometimes it can become too easy to wallow in the sadness of the loss of one thing a little too long because we do not know what to look forward to....yet.

This past year has been full of a lot of changes for me personally, my family and my church.  Some of it very painful, some of it really nice, some of it....well it was just simply change.

So, as I close out June along with some chapters in my life, I look towards July as a month of...

reflection


searching


and most of all prayer, for what the next chapter will hold.  


The next chapter may be a long one, or a short one - that I do not know - and I don't think God always allows us to know.


Whatever it is, instead of wringing my hands worrying about 'what's-next'.... I will simply look to God for direction.


Oh, I have ideas of what I 'want' my next chapter to be like, but I have learned over this past year that really it's up to God.  


Not my will God, but your will be done. And, when you are in God's will - it's crazy but you end up at peace.

 

these two things

I believe there are two things that paralyze the majority of us and keep us from stepping outside of our comfort zone.  Just two things.

Now the list of things outside my comfort zone??....now that list is much longer.

Things like.....

Fear of being wrong.  Fear of failure.  Fear of looking foolish.  Fear of being hurt.  Fear of being alone.....Fear of.......

I think you see the trend here.

Fear

What is 'Fear'? 

Well the dictionary defines fear as.. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Whether the fear is 'real' or 'imagined'......

Now, what does the Bible say about this?

To start there are two kinds of 'Fear'.   One is encouraged, the other is to be overcome.

The first is 'Fear of God'.  This type of fear does not mean we are to be afraid OF God, but rather have a reverential awe towards God.  With this type of 'Fear' in God, brings blessings and benefits.

The second 'Fear' is the 'Spirit of Fear' when it comes to everything else.   This, Spirit of Fear - is to be overcome....

2 Timothy 1:7  for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

 How do we overcome this spirit of 'Fear'?  By our consistent, persistent, and complete love of and dependence on God!


God knew we would fall victim to 'Fear' like this, and that's why He placed reference to overcoming this type of 'Fear' throughout the Bible.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Matthew 10:31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

All of these verses point us to God when we feel fear overcome us and envelop our lives.

The second 'thing' is being alone.  

The enemy will try to convince us that we are alone...

No one else is going through what you are going through.....

No one will understand......


No one will forgive you.....

Fear.....isolation.... two very powerful conditions.

But, just as God let us know that we do not need to have a Spirit of Fear, He also let us know we are not alone.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter 5:6-9 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him,

God loves us and cares for us.  When we have faith and trust in him, and ask for His will to be done, it is amazing what he can do to the perimeter of our comfort zone.  


Funny thing, I use to Pray as a 'last resort'.  How much pain and fear I allowed to overtake my life because I would not Pray First....  

So, at the first sign of Fear do not hesitate to go to God.

At the first sign of feeling alone, remember you are not, God is there for you.


God is here, everywhere, always.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

poised on the edge of my comfort zone

I am standing at the perimeter today, looking outside my comfort zone.

That's all at this point, just looking, contemplating, wondering.

I have an opportunity to step outside, and I am weighing it very carefully. 

There is a part of me that is scared to death and can think of every excuse in the book to NOT do it. 

A part of me that wants to just jump off the cliff fast...like ripping off a band-aid. 

And, yet another part that is just standing there....staring at the cliff/boundary and just looking. 

Finally, the a part of me that just whispers.....pray.  Which is exactly what I intend to do.

I will pray for God to confirm in me that this is the direction He wants me to go.  I will pray that my pounding heart will be calmed, that peace will rise and fear will fall.

I will pray most of all for God's will to be done, and not mine.

Are there times when you found yourself looking over the edge of you comfort zone?  Did you take the step?  Did you turn and walk back into the center?  Did you pray for God to direct?

faith

Of course, I think everyone would agree that stepping out in faith is hard to do.


Especially the first few times you do it.

How do you collate your heart and your head with faith?  Quite simply, you don't.

I have tried.  I have spent hours trying to read, find, discover the secret that would bring my head-knowledge into agreement with faith so my mind will say...'oh, ok that makes sense' - - and I have come to the conclusion that you can't.

Your mind, will only understand logic, and faith is not logical.  To us anyway.

To God, it makes perfect sense.

So, what do I do?

I simply walk up to the cliff....................and step off.

The cliff of my understanding, of my reasoning.

The cliff of almost 40 years of 'knowledge'.

I take one step, then another, then another......

Even though I do not know what lies down the road, around the corner, or over the next hill.

It's ok.

I don't have to know.

God knows, and as long as I focus on my 'next step' He will focus on what is down the road.

this is my Friday, and what a week!

Today is my Friday.  My niece flew in to spend some time with us, so I am taking tomorrow off to enjoy a long weekend.

This week I have struggled with feeling down, weary, frustrated and just a little bit lost - a little more than your usual 'down in the dumps' way.

I found myself letting it fester, wondering if I am doing the right thing, wondering if change is just too hard........

I was allowing these feelings to overtake, and conquer me.

Then, last night, I had a dream.....

This dream was very short, and it was more about the feeling than anything else.

In my dream I was in church, standing at a praise and worship service.  I look over and see a girl in my dream that I know, and she drops to her knees and begins to sob.  Then in an instant I hear my husbands voice behind me say one word....and only one word....'Lord'.  Then, in my dream, it was like a wave of overwhelming peaceful power that is too hard to try to describe in words washed over everyone and I was on the floor (I assume along with all others but I was not looking around).  I felt this feeling for only a few seconds - just until I acknowledged in my dream what it was - God - then I woke up.

I feel that God gave me this small dream, this sample, this taste to tell me to hold on.  To not lose hope, to not let the 'stuff' around me get to me.....to let me have a small taste of what is to come.

Where I went to bed with the weight of my world, I woke up with the world still there - but refreshed in the knowledge that God is with me every step of the way.

I feel lighter today.  I still have to deal with the problems and the stress....but it is different.  I am not weighed down by it, I am not going to cower in the corner and lick my wounds...

I am going to trust in God - my savior - my deliverer - my all.

my year of milestones

This year will be an exciting one for my entire family.  It is quite the year for us.  The list includes:

• My daughter turns 13 in August
• My son turns 18 in October
• My husband and I will celebrate our 20th Anniversary in November
• I turn 40 in December

Wow, if that is not a lot of craziness, I don't know what is.  The only thing that would make this any more interesting, was if my Husband was a year older.......because then he would be celebrating his 45th birthday this year too.

Yup, I think I have enough stuff to make the next 7 months postings petty interesting.

embarking on the perimeter

As I head into my 40’s this year, I find myself seriously looking at my life.  Now, I know that this is not unusual for someone my age, in fact it is probably the most normal thing about my life lately. 

It’s funny how things change.  How we change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  Our lives, every moment, every encounter, every thought is a fork in a road to our future.  Not just the big ones, but all of them.  They are the threads to the tapestry in our lives.

So, over the next seven months, as I gradually grow closer to the big 40, I decided to begin to document my last hurrah for my 30’s and my next series of hurrah’s for my 40’s.

I am determined to stretch myself.  I am committed to stepping outside of normal, to experience things beyond the boundaries.  I am committed to living my life on the perimeter going forward.

What does that mean? Living life on the perimeter?

Well, I was listening to a podcast recently and the person was talking about how to eat better, spend less money, etc.  She made a statement….”shop the perimeter of the grocery store”.  That was it, that one statement.  I was ‘listening’ to this podcast while doing other things, but that one statement stopped me dead in my tracks.  I began to think, how could we live like that?  If you look at a grocery store, the ‘good’ stuff is all on the perimeter.  You find fruit, veggies, meat, dairy, bread…all on the perimeter.  When you peruse the aisles, you begin to see the processed junk, salty, fatty, junk food.  You find the food that may fill you up for awhile, but is lacking in nutrients, lacking in the long lasting nutrition you need.

How often in our lives we spend precious time perusing the aisles.   We fill our lives with the junk, the fatty stuff that lacks the lasting nutrition, knowledge, and relationships that means so much.  We spend our time, which is the most valuable resource, on….junk.  Time is such a finite resource.  We cannot create it.  We cannot relive it.  We cannot stop it.  Once we spend it, it’s gone.  Yet it is the one thing we tend to spend our lives wasting like we will always have more, another moment, another year, another decade.

So, as I head towards my 40^th birthday, which is on December 20^th, I will document my reality.  I will document my thoughts, feelings, emotions, milestones, and growth as I close out one decade and head into another.