i have my now

As life continues to change, I continue to adapt.  Yesterday, I had a slurry of 'things' that I had to do which are not in my normal routine or even my semi-normal routine.

I had to take a couple online skill tests as well as a personality assessment test. 

Now, let me just say....I do not like tests.

First of all they make me nervous.  Especially online tests.  If you click on the wrong thing....that's it.  You get one chance to make the right decision. 

Second, I start to second guess myself.   Especially if I have not done it in awhile.

Now, in life, if I am presented a situation that I am not sure of - I am fine.  I simply think about it, and research if necessary.  If at first I do not succeed, I have no problem in trying again.

However, when it's the type of test that allows for no 'try's' well it does get to me.  At times I just found myself staring at the question.  Trying to recall the ways I had done it in the past, feeling the time slip by, tick...tock....

The personality assessment was a different story.  I actually enjoy these, however, I usually have the frustration of.....what if none of these are ME - yet I have to select the one most like me?? 

Or they group two words together.  One is like me, the other not at all.  Such as Competitive/Likes to be Challenged.  Well, I for one love a good challenge - however I am really NOT competitive.

In any case - I learned a lot about myself through this process, or in some cases re-learned.

I was definitely outside my comfort zone.

What will come of these tests?  Only God knows right now.  All I could do was the best with my present, what was right in front of me at the time.

I use to obsess about things like this.  I would spend hours rehashing whatever just happened, and then hours trying to speculate what that would mean for the future.

And, through the day I was reminded of something a performance coach once told me.

We were sitting in a conference room.  He got up, walked over to the white board and He drew an 'X'

This is your past.  It is done, finished.  There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.  You 'can' obsess about it, regret it, but you can never change it.

Then he drew another 'X' about a foot away from the previous one.

This is your future.  It has not happened yet.  You can fear it, obsess about it, try to speculate what 'will' happen....but you have no way of 'knowing' what will happen...because it is the future.

Then he drew a line between the two 'X's'

This is your present.  This is what you have.  Every decision you make now, right at this moment will either be one you end up looking back and regretting or not.

This moment, never stopping, pausing or freezing for you.  It's ever moving and as soon as it is gone.....it's done.

You can wast your entire life looking at the past and regretting what you have done, and you can waste your entire life fearing and speculating about the future.  If you do this, you will go nowhere.

Or, you can choose to learn from the past.  Acknowledge failure, loss, missed opportunities  - but keep focus on you present.  Make decisions based on fact not speculation. 


You know when you place your hand on a hot stove it will burn you because you did it before - so don't do it again.  You would think it was ridiculous if you saw someone repeatedly touch the hot stove over and over.  Kicking themselves because, once again, they failed and burned themselves but not learning.  Or, they sit there with a burned hand and just stare at it hour after hour.....instead of getting up treating it and moving on.

We have all heard people talk about 'licking wounds'.  When you think about it, it has it's place.  An animal will lick a wound to heal it.  However, if they continually lick the wound - and just wont stop.  That wound will never heal properly. 

The same with us.  If we fail, and just sit in the corner and lick our wounds, how will we ever move forward?

I have spent way too much of my life sitting there, looking at my past, obsessing about it.  Afraid to look at my present or my future because my focus was my past.  What bondage that is.

Instead of acknowledging my past, keeping my focus on my present and what I CAN do now, not what I CAN'T do, and then taking the future as it comes.

It's amazing what focus can do.

Oh, it's not easy.  You will be tested at first a lot.  You will want to look back in self-pity and regret, or forward with fear....but you have no control over either.

There is ONE thing you can control though.

One thing and that is.....

How you react to your reality, your now, this moment....

God, well He is totally capable of handling everything else.