Between the daily things of cleaning, cooking, bills, etc. - you throw into the fray the all important event of casting your vote for the next President of these United States...and then of course all of the things that drudges up with it.
For me, it's a lot this year. Before you look at the candidates you have to first - look at yourself. You have to find our grounding, your balance and your buttons...
Where is my North, where is my center, what beliefs are core and central to me?
Then you take that - and you weigh the candidates against it.
For me, this has felt like the first time I have ever voted...I have changed SO MUCH over the past four years - and I am sometimes a little uncomfortable in my own skin.
I have realized that my views have changed on some things - - which will require me stepping outside of yet another comfort zone.
That, along with the fact that this will be my Son's first voting experience - brings with it all kinds of new challenges.
I want to teach him to vote truly for what he believes - never just simply a party line. I want him to feel empowered, and confident.
However, this entire experience is leaving me weary and desperately wishing I could retreat to some dark corner and sleep until this is all over.
Part of me wishes I could call a time-out. This election is really coming at an inconvenient time in my life right now. I have so many things on my plate. I am in the grips of rediscovering my true north and trying to continue to balance life as well.
But, since the world does not revolve around me, that request will never be heard - let alone heeded.
So, I find myself feeling like I'm in a boat, tossed about at sea, desperately trying to keep my eye on the lighthouse that veers in and out of my line of vision as the storm rages around me.
I - - want to control it - but I can't. I want to figure it all out like a puzzle, where every piece has its place, but that isn't reality.
Trusting God is what I need to do, want to do, and have to do. However I find myself playing chicken with him instead. Me on one side, my 'Problem' in the middle and God on the other - rushing towards each other as we get closer and closer and I feel the pressure of an impending deadline - who will blink first? The answer is me. It's always me. At that 11th hour - I panic and grab the 'Problem' back at the last second and veer out of the path - because I think I need to do it, I need to solve it, I lose faith, I let fear take over and re-claim what I have trusted to God to handle.
What I need to do, is...not blink. Not flinch. Not grab it back. If I could only make it past that last moment - even if I have to close my eyes so tight I see stars - breathing that prayer of God, I trust you! Just to finally open them and see that He did handle it. I feel that I could conquer this fear, and this necessity to reclaim everything I say I trust God with - but I only trust him in my timing, in my comfort zone.
I feel that right now. I am at that moment. My heart feels like it is racing. My mind is frantically jumping from one possibility to the next of what my options can be...what "I" can do, how "I" can fix this...my hand hovering over the problem - but no quite snatching it back...yet. My mind is so full of possible solutions - that I find myself not even thinking of God.
So, I write this. I admit it. I tell myself to STOP. I tell God I will be still and pray - believing He will show me the path He wishes me to take, not the path I take out of panic and fear.
This morning, my devotional was amazing - and it really spoke towards this.
1. Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
In what areas do you need to stop leaning on your own understanding and trust God instead?
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