My monday definitely sent me for a loop today.  Quite out of nowhere, I was faced with a landslide of negativity.  It was a surprise mainly because of who it was coming from.

I understand that people have bad days...however when we spew negativity around a room like a mad-man yielding a machine gun...there are many casualties.

I had to be honest with myself.  I had to really do some thinking that night about why I didn't say more to try to curtail this negative onslaught of bullets as they flew threw the air.  Why did I just sit there with my mouth gaping open?  Why didn't I stand up? Speak out?

Then I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge the fact that I was a coward that day.  However uncomfortable it was for me to witness this barrage, it woud have been MORE uncomfortable to speak out.  And, because of that not only did I suffer, but I allowed the negative words to rule my day, color my mood, and define my moment.

Even after apologies were delivered from the negative swordsman later that day, it was still a loss.  Not because someone chose to act out in such a manner - but because I retreated back to my comfort zone...intending to protect myself...but ultimately just avoiding what I should have done.

So, I chalk this day up to a manic monday that could have, and should have been avoided.  I vow that next time I meet such an adversary, I meet it head on, with grace and love.

For negative begets negative, and positive (however unwanted at the time by someone who just wants to vent) will in the long run be welcomed and appreciated.

time with change and acceptance

Time flys by so fast...my baby turned 13 last month and my little boy will turn 18 next month.  I know everyone talks about how quickly time flys....and it just never seems to stop amazing me how much that is true.

We look at our lives, and we think....5 years - such a long time....but when we look back on the past 5 years - - it seems like yesterday.

Change...a word that may as well be the seal on pandora's box.  You never know exactly the what it will entail, and more often than  not....the ripple effect change has may go out months, years, decades.  Sometimes these ripples are amazing, sometimes not.

Whenever I am faced with change, I always go back to a quote that is never far from my mind.

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” ~ Anatole France

How true that is.....even what we long for the most can have its melancholy.  And, I would not want it any other way - it means we gave something of ourselves, that we invested our heart as well as our time into something...someone.

So, now, when I am faced with a change, a coming of age, a milestone, a loss.....I look at it through different eyes....I allow the sadness, the grief, as well as welcome the joy and the excitement.  For to shun one emotion is to miss out on the greater picture.

I have quit looking at the portrait of life two inches away, and began to continually take a step back - as I can - to take in the larger picture.... and one day.....I will see the entire masterpiece and will be left in awe!

taking it all in...

As I was driving into work the other day, I remember saying a prayer to God.

God, you know our needs even before we speak them.  You know mine, please provide for the need - and at the same time renew my heart and mind so when I receive your provision - my actions will prove to benefit You and Your Will...not mine.

How often we ask things of God, and how often He provides.  I think he provides more than we know.  However, if we do not ask him to change our hearts and minds, we can waste his provisions on what we want.....what we 'need', not necessarily on what He wants, want He needs us to do.

Recently, I wanted to get a group together to go back to Feed My Starving Children and pack some meals. I scoured through the site for a date/time that would work for most - and reserved my spot.   Usually with Feed My Starving Children you go, you pack, and you leave a donation (if you can).  However, due to the increase of need around the world, they are asking that for some of the packing time slots, the individuals all donate 20$ to use these slots.

At first I thought, oh no - I wont be able to get a group of people together if they have to pay 20$....then my heart was checked......

I had to be honest, "I" was shocked at the 20$....seriously Heather?  20$?!?  How often do you throw 20$ on something without even a thought??  Makeup, lunch out, a shirt?  What a revelation of my heart this was.

To that I realized my priorities - even though they have come a LONG way....still have a long way to go.

What do I do with God's provisions?  Do I ask, then do as I see fit?  Or, do I take the 'needs' of the whole into account?

Thank you God for this revelation, Thank you for revealing a side of  my heart that still needs to be softened, and a mind-set that is still based on the 'world' and not You.

settling in

It has now been two weeks since I jumped into my current life adventure.  Every day I feel so blessed to have been given this opportunity.

As I look around my office today, still bare and empty, with only a couple minor parts of me on my desk - I take it all in.

How did this happen?  Two months ago, I would have never even imagined this would be my place....my spot on this earth.

My mind is flooded with strings of thought, moments in deep contemplation - sometimes melancholy - of my life journey so far.

There have been many, many bumps in the road, highs and lows, struggles caused by others actions - as well as struggles caused by my actions.  I have been hurt, and I have hurt.  I have been loved, and I have loved.  I have laughed...and been laughed at.

However, all of it....every moment...was building this person...this me that I am today.

Far from perfect, I come completed with scars that are a reminder of a painful past - that have become a badge of strength.  Not by my strength, but the strength God provides - even when you may not ask for it - or you are too weak to speak - He looks down on you and just provides.

Here I am.  This imperfect, flawed person - undeservedly blessed by God.  I may never understand why, but all I can do is......

Take His blessing and in turn bless others
Take His forgiveness and forgive others
Take His strength and be strong for others

but, above all......take His love.....and love others.

knowing your now

I recently started a new devotional. 

Let me just say really quick....youversion.com....you absolutely rock!!

It is a Rick Warren devotional, and it could not come at a better time.  The topic....Focus Your Life.

"The next ten years can be the greatest of your life.  They can become a Decade of Destiny, where your life is focused and, as a result, you're able to make an impact in all you do."

I love this devotional as it is dealing with things that have been on my heart lately.  Change!

I love that it reiterates the need to "Know Your Now"...that has become my mantra.  For so long I avoided knowing my now.....I buried my head, not wanting to acknowledge my true reality.

For years (and years) I would tell myself I did this out of self-preservation.  I could not change everything that needed to be changed, so why even try?

I felt helpless, scared, a failure.  So, I just would 'pretend' it was not there, not happening, that it didn't matter.

Oh, what a trap of the enemy that is!  If he can convince you to build your own prison, and stay in it - what a victory for him!

It was not until I finally acknowledged that without God all of my 'fears' would become reality.  All of my 'try's would fail, all of my attempts would not be enough to change.

With God, however - you realize you have been looking at the world upside down.  You have been living in a prison of the enemy.  You have bought into all his lies.

With God, you see that YOU do not need to be anything on your own...He is with you.

I read an article by Joni Eareckson Tada once where she said that there are days she can't even bear to get out of bed.  She is overwhelmed, sad, weary.  And, on those days she calls out to God and says.....

I have absolutely no strength of my own today, please give me Your strength God!

How wonderful is it that we can call on our God, the creator of the universe, when we are weak and weary and He will bring us Peace, Strength, and Love.

So, today as I venture out to wrap up the second to the last day of my current life chapter, I will go out 'Knowing my Now".

I will ask myself....

Where am I now?  Spiritually, Financially, Emotionally, Physically

Then ask God....

Where do YOU want me to be?

Three things I have learned that have helped me the most on my journey in, out and around my comfort zone.

1. Know Your Now
2. Ask God where He wants you to be
3. Remember, if you sincerely ask for His Will to be done....no matter what that is.....you won't be disappointed.

Countdown in 5.........

The countdown has begun!  There are three reasons why this week is going to be epic!

One - It is the last week that I will be working in the Corporate world.

Two - It is the last week before Convoy of Hope.

Three - It is the week that my Son will be on his first AIM trip.

However exciting, crazy, strange, and scary leaving my current job is for other ventures - the other two highlights for this week far outweigh this in my mind.

Convoy of Hope

There will be NINE (9) simultaneous Convoy of Hope outreaches going on through the Phoenix Metropolitan area this Saturday!  Each outreach is expected to reach 2,000 + children and their families - at least!


Convoy of Hope from OneStone Media on Vimeo.

I fee so blessed to be able to be a part of this amazing outreach to my community.

AIM Trip

My Son will be taking part in the youth Ambassadors in Mission (AIM) trip this week.  Even though he will be staying in Phoenix, he will be out working in the community every day for five days with over 500 other students from around the nation.

They will be working with multiple host churches from the Metropolitan area to help new church plants as well as help revitalize existing churches, they will participate in community service, sidewalk Sunday Schools, and will culminate with the Saturday Convoy of Hope outreach as well.

What a banner week for this family!  I am so excited to see what God will do in the lives of the people who will attend these events, be ministered to, provided for, and mainly LOVED!

I can't think of a better way to kick off the next chapter in my life, and see what God has in store for me next!

Blessings everyone!

Leap of Faith

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."  ~ Martin Luther King Jr

 

Oh how I wish the reward of having faith is as quickly revealed as it is in this video below.  Who remembers Indian Jones and the Last Crusade when he has to literally take a 'step of faith' off a cliff?

I love the analogy of this video. 

First he sees what looks like an insurmountable task.  To get from point A to point B without dying first.

Then he remembers, 'Its a leap of Faith'.  However it does not bring peace on his face or ease his anxiety....he still has to 'take' that step of Faith.

Knowing you have to take a step of faith and doing it are two different things. 

While you know you have to, the reality ...... or what we perceive as the reality is staring us in the face.  And, what we have to do, in Faith, can seem illogical or even absurd at times.

Then you do it.  You take that step, and you don't fall.  The relief, the exhale of gratitude!

But its not done yet.  You still have to walk on the path that Faith lead you.

So many times in my past, I go so far as to take the step of faith, and begin to walk it - then at the first loose rock, or slippery gravel - take my eye off of the One who not only put me on this path but directed my foot on that first step.  Or I become tired of the path, it seems so long, too hard. 

Then I abandon it.  I turn around and return to where I came from, or worse just jump off and end up with personal turmoil and problems that were never intended.

This video clip, this reality is mine right now.  I took a step of faith, and I am confident that it is the step that God directed me to take through prayer.  However, there have been attacks along the way.

Fear rises up....what if 'this' happens?  What if 'that' happens?  My mind becomes obsessed with contingency plans, and the pit of my stomach begins to sour....just at the mere idea that something might go wrong.

Then I realize.  Yes, those fears are valid.  Something 'might' go wrong.  However, I am not alone.  As long as I stay on the path that is set before me, I am never alone.  

It is so cleaver how the enemy of you and I knows exactly what buttons to push.  And, for a moment or two we may allow him to take us there.  But when we are there, the reason it is so scary, so frightening, so bad.. is because you envision yourself...alone...trying to figure out what to do...by yourself....and then failing....on your own.

Isolation and Fear

Those are his weapons.  However, we are not alone.  We are never alone with God, and He does not give us a spirit of Fear.

So when you are faced with stepping out in faith, and you are caught up in the fear of what 'might' happen.

Stop.

Pray.

Listen to God.

Everyone would have understood if Ruth decided to stay in Moab, but she showed great faith by going to Bethlehem. By taking that step forward she placed herself in a vulnerable position where she had to trust God to protect her, to open doors and to provide for her. Interestingly, it was this very move, this very step of faith, that opened her to the relationship with Boaz, who became her husband.
When we take that step forward we force ourselves into a dependence on God that wouldn’t be possible if we just sat on the edge of cliff....waiting.

We are God's people, and his promises in the Bible endure forever.

Hebrews 11:6 It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.

In fact, if you want to feel energized, just read Hebrews 11.  All of Hebrews 11.  It is an amazing account of time after time when people stepped out in Faith!