ThanksGiving day two...

As I enter into day two of Thanksgiving week, I found myself in a bit of a funk.  I woke up this morning, realizing that once again I 'jumped the gun' instead of trusting God.  You know, you when you tell God that you will trust him to work things out, then as things get closer and closer you start to feel like you're playing a game of 'chicken' with whatever life situation you are facing.  You hear, 'trust me', yet you are still eyes glued on the problem waiting for something to happen....then....it happens...you flinch first and "do" something.  You yanked that problem, situation, whatever it was right back out of God's hands...back into yours.

So, yea - - that was me this morning.  Realizing that I flinched, I grabbed it back.....and worst part of it....I didn't need to.  God was there, he was doing something - - but I flinched.  It's not the end of the world.  But, it was a blatant, in my face, realization that I didn't fully trust...He was there....I just could not fully let go.

With a heavy heart then I enter my second day of Thanksgiving week....and I have to say.

Thank you God for showing me that I flinched.  Not because I want to see a failure, but you showed me that YOU were there.  You had it worked out.  I didn't need to flinch, because you were there.  It is with bitter-sweet emotions that I enter this day.  Remorseful that I have to say that I didn't fully trust you....but at the same time rejoicing that you showed that you had it all handled...even if I stepped in and messed it up at the end.

I am therefore Thankful for a God who loves me so much as to show me my impatience, my lack of faith....so that He may provide more faith, patience to the impatient, and reveal Himself to those who love Him....in spite of our lack of faith.

ThanksGiving Week - Day 1...

As we embark on Thanksgiving week, my mind is drawn to so many thing that I am so very thankful for.

So, let Thanksgiving week commence...

Today, I want to say how thankful I am for my job.  May I never take for granted the amazing opportunity I have received to work full time for my Church.  May I never let the petty things get to me, and always keep my eyes on the Creator of my life, this world, everything!  May I always see people as Jesus sees them, may I always recognize the opportunity in every day, ever encounter, every person, every circumstance.  May I always find God's grace, love, and peace in my every day...in every way.

Thank you God, for the amazing gift you have given me.  Thank you for being my Father and sending your Son Jesus to be my savior.  Thank you!!

Define my Moon...

I just finished a devotional that took me on a 21 day fast.  I chose to fast from something that I had let become too important to me during this time.  This was a personal journey, and in the end, strengthened me and through the 21 days of denial - God met me where I was.

So, how do I move forward after this initial 21 day challenge for myself? Well, I start another.  It took me a little time to find one that spoke to me, but eventually I found it....or maybe I was finally directed towards it.  In any case, here I go.   This 21 day challenge will overlap Advent this year, but that's ok.

One thing that is sticking with me through this 21 day devotional, is something I read on the first day.

"The first moon landing in 1969 was a momentous event in history.  On that day, mankind achieved something that many previously thought impossible.  The amazing thing is that because the wind does not blow on the moon, the footprints of over 40 years ago are still there and will be there for a very long time."

It goes on to talk about how on this 21 day journey of "Living a Divinely Inspired Life", we are in essence, "Leaving our footprints on the moon" as it relates to the fulfillment of our God given purpose for our lives.  The achievement of this goal...what to me seems impossible and unattainable...will only happen with divine intervention.

How true is that?  How often we give up, accept less than, or settle for mundane because 'we' can not figure out how to get from 'here' to 'there'.  It is impossible, we tell ourselves.  It can not be accomplished.

We tell ourselves that it is not our destiny or must not be God's purpose for our lives because 'we' can not get it done.

When what we should be saying is - God, I can't get from 'here' to 'there' - that is blatantly obvious.  However, if it is your will - it will happen.

Therefore, until I hear you say no, or you close this door, I will continue on my journey towards this goal....no matter how far out of my comfort zone I go.

In Genesis 12:1-3, God asked Abram (later known as Abraham) to get out of his comfort zone.  Abram had to leave his father's house and step out with faith, out of his comfort zone, out of any comfort zone to the unknown.  One man, obedient to God obeyed and was given a promise for an entire nation.  This was Abraham's Moon, his footsteps of obedience to leave a mark for generation after generation to come.

For the next few weeks, I will be asking God to 'Define my Moon'.  I will ask Him to reveal to me where my footsteps need to make their mark for His purpose (not mine).  I will wait, and listen for Him to show me His will for my life.

I have taken small steps toward this unknown destination as he reveals them to me, and they have never let me astray.  God will never lead you astray.

Have you asked God to define your Moon?  

 

Fighting the negativity...

When you are faced with negativity, how do you react?  I think at first, we all try to turn it around...  We try to find the positive...  We try to establish are more positive footing...

But, when you are continually faced with it, you tend to want to avoid that person, that situation, that area...

So, when you have tried the former, and are then finding yourself resorting to the later....what do you do?

I don't want to relinquish any part of my life to those who desire to remain negative.

What do you do when the one person who is the most negative force you have encountered, makes a comment like....Oh, I can't stand to be around negative people....WHAT?

Here in lies, yet another, comfort zone opportunity.  What do I do?  How do I react?  I can not (of course) walk over and slap that person - hoping they come to their senses and realize that 'they' are in fact he negative force that infiltrates the rest of our lives.

What do you do?

Well, I have come to realize that you have to...just keep swimming.  Continually put forth the positive force.  Continually establish complaint free zones.  Encourage people to voice their frustration over areas that they think are 'broken' only if they can follow it up with a positive suggestion on how to fix the situation - that they so passionately thing is not working.

Think positive...it's not just words...it's a way of life.  We can choose to focus and dwell on the negative - or we can choose to take the negative, and focus on change, improvement, and forward motion.

I choose positive!

Sandy toes...

What a week!  Between my husband traveling to Cleveland for business, my son spending a week in Kauai, and my daughter and I on a turn-around trip with her Youth Group to California....Im tired!

I was going to try to write a blog about it - but instead Im going to just free-form my thoughts and highlights.

The smell of the subtle salt water when you open up your car door and step out onto the beach...oh how I have missed that lovely smell!

The feel of the soft sand under your feet.

The rush of water as you stand on the beach and let the waves wash over your bare feet, with each withdrawal of the wave you toes sink deeper into the wet sand.

The sound of the waves and their consistent, gentil, yet strong return to the beach.

The birds as they fly around, like a dance in the sky.

The feel on your face as the wind catches the sea mist.

The emotion when I get a video text of my son jumping in the surf and running on the beautiful beach of Kauai!

The sheer beauty of the sunset agains the water.

The joy of being reunited with everyone at the end of the adventure.

The feeling of ultimate blessing from God for being given such a gift, such an amazing gift as this family!

Kauai

Standing in the waves in Santa Monica, CA

My monday definitely sent me for a loop today.  Quite out of nowhere, I was faced with a landslide of negativity.  It was a surprise mainly because of who it was coming from.

I understand that people have bad days...however when we spew negativity around a room like a mad-man yielding a machine gun...there are many casualties.

I had to be honest with myself.  I had to really do some thinking that night about why I didn't say more to try to curtail this negative onslaught of bullets as they flew threw the air.  Why did I just sit there with my mouth gaping open?  Why didn't I stand up? Speak out?

Then I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge the fact that I was a coward that day.  However uncomfortable it was for me to witness this barrage, it woud have been MORE uncomfortable to speak out.  And, because of that not only did I suffer, but I allowed the negative words to rule my day, color my mood, and define my moment.

Even after apologies were delivered from the negative swordsman later that day, it was still a loss.  Not because someone chose to act out in such a manner - but because I retreated back to my comfort zone...intending to protect myself...but ultimately just avoiding what I should have done.

So, I chalk this day up to a manic monday that could have, and should have been avoided.  I vow that next time I meet such an adversary, I meet it head on, with grace and love.

For negative begets negative, and positive (however unwanted at the time by someone who just wants to vent) will in the long run be welcomed and appreciated.

time with change and acceptance

Time flys by so fast...my baby turned 13 last month and my little boy will turn 18 next month.  I know everyone talks about how quickly time flys....and it just never seems to stop amazing me how much that is true.

We look at our lives, and we think....5 years - such a long time....but when we look back on the past 5 years - - it seems like yesterday.

Change...a word that may as well be the seal on pandora's box.  You never know exactly the what it will entail, and more often than  not....the ripple effect change has may go out months, years, decades.  Sometimes these ripples are amazing, sometimes not.

Whenever I am faced with change, I always go back to a quote that is never far from my mind.

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” ~ Anatole France

How true that is.....even what we long for the most can have its melancholy.  And, I would not want it any other way - it means we gave something of ourselves, that we invested our heart as well as our time into something...someone.

So, now, when I am faced with a change, a coming of age, a milestone, a loss.....I look at it through different eyes....I allow the sadness, the grief, as well as welcome the joy and the excitement.  For to shun one emotion is to miss out on the greater picture.

I have quit looking at the portrait of life two inches away, and began to continually take a step back - as I can - to take in the larger picture.... and one day.....I will see the entire masterpiece and will be left in awe!

taking it all in...

As I was driving into work the other day, I remember saying a prayer to God.

God, you know our needs even before we speak them.  You know mine, please provide for the need - and at the same time renew my heart and mind so when I receive your provision - my actions will prove to benefit You and Your Will...not mine.

How often we ask things of God, and how often He provides.  I think he provides more than we know.  However, if we do not ask him to change our hearts and minds, we can waste his provisions on what we want.....what we 'need', not necessarily on what He wants, want He needs us to do.

Recently, I wanted to get a group together to go back to Feed My Starving Children and pack some meals. I scoured through the site for a date/time that would work for most - and reserved my spot.   Usually with Feed My Starving Children you go, you pack, and you leave a donation (if you can).  However, due to the increase of need around the world, they are asking that for some of the packing time slots, the individuals all donate 20$ to use these slots.

At first I thought, oh no - I wont be able to get a group of people together if they have to pay 20$....then my heart was checked......

I had to be honest, "I" was shocked at the 20$....seriously Heather?  20$?!?  How often do you throw 20$ on something without even a thought??  Makeup, lunch out, a shirt?  What a revelation of my heart this was.

To that I realized my priorities - even though they have come a LONG way....still have a long way to go.

What do I do with God's provisions?  Do I ask, then do as I see fit?  Or, do I take the 'needs' of the whole into account?

Thank you God for this revelation, Thank you for revealing a side of  my heart that still needs to be softened, and a mind-set that is still based on the 'world' and not You.

settling in

It has now been two weeks since I jumped into my current life adventure.  Every day I feel so blessed to have been given this opportunity.

As I look around my office today, still bare and empty, with only a couple minor parts of me on my desk - I take it all in.

How did this happen?  Two months ago, I would have never even imagined this would be my place....my spot on this earth.

My mind is flooded with strings of thought, moments in deep contemplation - sometimes melancholy - of my life journey so far.

There have been many, many bumps in the road, highs and lows, struggles caused by others actions - as well as struggles caused by my actions.  I have been hurt, and I have hurt.  I have been loved, and I have loved.  I have laughed...and been laughed at.

However, all of it....every moment...was building this person...this me that I am today.

Far from perfect, I come completed with scars that are a reminder of a painful past - that have become a badge of strength.  Not by my strength, but the strength God provides - even when you may not ask for it - or you are too weak to speak - He looks down on you and just provides.

Here I am.  This imperfect, flawed person - undeservedly blessed by God.  I may never understand why, but all I can do is......

Take His blessing and in turn bless others
Take His forgiveness and forgive others
Take His strength and be strong for others

but, above all......take His love.....and love others.

knowing your now

I recently started a new devotional. 

Let me just say really quick....youversion.com....you absolutely rock!!

It is a Rick Warren devotional, and it could not come at a better time.  The topic....Focus Your Life.

"The next ten years can be the greatest of your life.  They can become a Decade of Destiny, where your life is focused and, as a result, you're able to make an impact in all you do."

I love this devotional as it is dealing with things that have been on my heart lately.  Change!

I love that it reiterates the need to "Know Your Now"...that has become my mantra.  For so long I avoided knowing my now.....I buried my head, not wanting to acknowledge my true reality.

For years (and years) I would tell myself I did this out of self-preservation.  I could not change everything that needed to be changed, so why even try?

I felt helpless, scared, a failure.  So, I just would 'pretend' it was not there, not happening, that it didn't matter.

Oh, what a trap of the enemy that is!  If he can convince you to build your own prison, and stay in it - what a victory for him!

It was not until I finally acknowledged that without God all of my 'fears' would become reality.  All of my 'try's would fail, all of my attempts would not be enough to change.

With God, however - you realize you have been looking at the world upside down.  You have been living in a prison of the enemy.  You have bought into all his lies.

With God, you see that YOU do not need to be anything on your own...He is with you.

I read an article by Joni Eareckson Tada once where she said that there are days she can't even bear to get out of bed.  She is overwhelmed, sad, weary.  And, on those days she calls out to God and says.....

I have absolutely no strength of my own today, please give me Your strength God!

How wonderful is it that we can call on our God, the creator of the universe, when we are weak and weary and He will bring us Peace, Strength, and Love.

So, today as I venture out to wrap up the second to the last day of my current life chapter, I will go out 'Knowing my Now".

I will ask myself....

Where am I now?  Spiritually, Financially, Emotionally, Physically

Then ask God....

Where do YOU want me to be?

Three things I have learned that have helped me the most on my journey in, out and around my comfort zone.

1. Know Your Now
2. Ask God where He wants you to be
3. Remember, if you sincerely ask for His Will to be done....no matter what that is.....you won't be disappointed.

Countdown in 5.........

The countdown has begun!  There are three reasons why this week is going to be epic!

One - It is the last week that I will be working in the Corporate world.

Two - It is the last week before Convoy of Hope.

Three - It is the week that my Son will be on his first AIM trip.

However exciting, crazy, strange, and scary leaving my current job is for other ventures - the other two highlights for this week far outweigh this in my mind.

Convoy of Hope

There will be NINE (9) simultaneous Convoy of Hope outreaches going on through the Phoenix Metropolitan area this Saturday!  Each outreach is expected to reach 2,000 + children and their families - at least!


Convoy of Hope from OneStone Media on Vimeo.

I fee so blessed to be able to be a part of this amazing outreach to my community.

AIM Trip

My Son will be taking part in the youth Ambassadors in Mission (AIM) trip this week.  Even though he will be staying in Phoenix, he will be out working in the community every day for five days with over 500 other students from around the nation.

They will be working with multiple host churches from the Metropolitan area to help new church plants as well as help revitalize existing churches, they will participate in community service, sidewalk Sunday Schools, and will culminate with the Saturday Convoy of Hope outreach as well.

What a banner week for this family!  I am so excited to see what God will do in the lives of the people who will attend these events, be ministered to, provided for, and mainly LOVED!

I can't think of a better way to kick off the next chapter in my life, and see what God has in store for me next!

Blessings everyone!

Leap of Faith

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."  ~ Martin Luther King Jr

 

Oh how I wish the reward of having faith is as quickly revealed as it is in this video below.  Who remembers Indian Jones and the Last Crusade when he has to literally take a 'step of faith' off a cliff?

I love the analogy of this video. 

First he sees what looks like an insurmountable task.  To get from point A to point B without dying first.

Then he remembers, 'Its a leap of Faith'.  However it does not bring peace on his face or ease his anxiety....he still has to 'take' that step of Faith.

Knowing you have to take a step of faith and doing it are two different things. 

While you know you have to, the reality ...... or what we perceive as the reality is staring us in the face.  And, what we have to do, in Faith, can seem illogical or even absurd at times.

Then you do it.  You take that step, and you don't fall.  The relief, the exhale of gratitude!

But its not done yet.  You still have to walk on the path that Faith lead you.

So many times in my past, I go so far as to take the step of faith, and begin to walk it - then at the first loose rock, or slippery gravel - take my eye off of the One who not only put me on this path but directed my foot on that first step.  Or I become tired of the path, it seems so long, too hard. 

Then I abandon it.  I turn around and return to where I came from, or worse just jump off and end up with personal turmoil and problems that were never intended.

This video clip, this reality is mine right now.  I took a step of faith, and I am confident that it is the step that God directed me to take through prayer.  However, there have been attacks along the way.

Fear rises up....what if 'this' happens?  What if 'that' happens?  My mind becomes obsessed with contingency plans, and the pit of my stomach begins to sour....just at the mere idea that something might go wrong.

Then I realize.  Yes, those fears are valid.  Something 'might' go wrong.  However, I am not alone.  As long as I stay on the path that is set before me, I am never alone.  

It is so cleaver how the enemy of you and I knows exactly what buttons to push.  And, for a moment or two we may allow him to take us there.  But when we are there, the reason it is so scary, so frightening, so bad.. is because you envision yourself...alone...trying to figure out what to do...by yourself....and then failing....on your own.

Isolation and Fear

Those are his weapons.  However, we are not alone.  We are never alone with God, and He does not give us a spirit of Fear.

So when you are faced with stepping out in faith, and you are caught up in the fear of what 'might' happen.

Stop.

Pray.

Listen to God.

Everyone would have understood if Ruth decided to stay in Moab, but she showed great faith by going to Bethlehem. By taking that step forward she placed herself in a vulnerable position where she had to trust God to protect her, to open doors and to provide for her. Interestingly, it was this very move, this very step of faith, that opened her to the relationship with Boaz, who became her husband.
When we take that step forward we force ourselves into a dependence on God that wouldn’t be possible if we just sat on the edge of cliff....waiting.

We are God's people, and his promises in the Bible endure forever.

Hebrews 11:6 It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.

In fact, if you want to feel energized, just read Hebrews 11.  All of Hebrews 11.  It is an amazing account of time after time when people stepped out in Faith!

feed my starving children

 18,000 children die of starvation or starvation related causes each day!

$88.00 will feed one child for an entire year.

$264.00 will feed two children, and their mother for an entire year.

$440.00 will feed a family of five for an entire year.

$4,380.00 will feed 100 children in an orphanage for six months.

Those numbers are pretty staggering.  18,000 children die every day in the world due to starvation, or starvation related causes.

For only $88.00 USD a one of those children would have food for an entire year!  That is only $7.33 per month or $1.69 per week.

Think about it, only $1.69 per week could save a child!  That is pretty humbling.  Especially as I reach through the drive-through window at my local Starbucks.  This one cup of coffee could feed so many!

My Husband and I took our family to volunteer for Feed my Starving Children on Saturday.

If you do not know about this amazing organization, I have a link to their site on the right hand side of my blog, please click on it to find out more.

I have to say that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVED it.  It was such a great experience.  Not to mention the fact that after our 2-hour shift - our group had packed enough food to feed 29 Children for ONE YEAR!

I would highly recommend, if you have a Feed my Starving Children location near you....GO!!  If you do not, then you can still support this amazing organization financially.

and with this step...

If I had to sum up the past few weeks in one word....that word would have to be WOW.

Yea, just WOW.

I have made some major changes in my life - some that I was planning - others that I was not.

I took a major step outside of my comfort zone. 

I am leaving my job in the corporate world, and have accepted a job with my Church.

Now, with that change comes a ripple-effect of change touching a lot of areas in our life.  One, is the financial aspect.  I will be taking a pay cut.  Churches/Non-Profits, etc. can not compete with Corporate Wages.  However, even with that I am excited with the change. 

I know that this is what God wants me to do, and when you are in His will.....there is this feeling of peace He provides that goes beyond my understanding.

I am excited too because the schedule will allow me additional time with my Husband (one on one) and also with all of my Family together.

This is important, since most of my working life - I put my career/job first.....and they had to deal with the left overs.

Now, God has dealt with me on that issue...a lot.  I say a lot because I didn't listen at first.  I had reason after reason as to why my life had to be the way it was.

However, He finally reached me about 3 years ago.....and I am so glad He did.  It was not overnight, but over the past 3 years my heart has changed, my priorities have changed, and in turn my life has changed.

When I gave my notice, my boss thought I was crazy.  He can not believe I would give up any amount of money, in fact he tried to buy me to stay.  He didn't understand that it was not about the money.

Will I have times of fear?  Yes, because my mind thinks on one level..  However, when I take that fear out, and look at it, I realize one thing. 

God is my provider, not me.

I need to make sure my heart stays in the right place, and the rest will fall into its proper place.  Not that we wont go through trials, or tough times - life is life.  But, God will be there to sustain us in our minds, and in our spirits. 

Really, all you have to say is God will be there.

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7

i have my now

As life continues to change, I continue to adapt.  Yesterday, I had a slurry of 'things' that I had to do which are not in my normal routine or even my semi-normal routine.

I had to take a couple online skill tests as well as a personality assessment test. 

Now, let me just say....I do not like tests.

First of all they make me nervous.  Especially online tests.  If you click on the wrong thing....that's it.  You get one chance to make the right decision. 

Second, I start to second guess myself.   Especially if I have not done it in awhile.

Now, in life, if I am presented a situation that I am not sure of - I am fine.  I simply think about it, and research if necessary.  If at first I do not succeed, I have no problem in trying again.

However, when it's the type of test that allows for no 'try's' well it does get to me.  At times I just found myself staring at the question.  Trying to recall the ways I had done it in the past, feeling the time slip by, tick...tock....

The personality assessment was a different story.  I actually enjoy these, however, I usually have the frustration of.....what if none of these are ME - yet I have to select the one most like me?? 

Or they group two words together.  One is like me, the other not at all.  Such as Competitive/Likes to be Challenged.  Well, I for one love a good challenge - however I am really NOT competitive.

In any case - I learned a lot about myself through this process, or in some cases re-learned.

I was definitely outside my comfort zone.

What will come of these tests?  Only God knows right now.  All I could do was the best with my present, what was right in front of me at the time.

I use to obsess about things like this.  I would spend hours rehashing whatever just happened, and then hours trying to speculate what that would mean for the future.

And, through the day I was reminded of something a performance coach once told me.

We were sitting in a conference room.  He got up, walked over to the white board and He drew an 'X'

This is your past.  It is done, finished.  There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.  You 'can' obsess about it, regret it, but you can never change it.

Then he drew another 'X' about a foot away from the previous one.

This is your future.  It has not happened yet.  You can fear it, obsess about it, try to speculate what 'will' happen....but you have no way of 'knowing' what will happen...because it is the future.

Then he drew a line between the two 'X's'

This is your present.  This is what you have.  Every decision you make now, right at this moment will either be one you end up looking back and regretting or not.

This moment, never stopping, pausing or freezing for you.  It's ever moving and as soon as it is gone.....it's done.

You can wast your entire life looking at the past and regretting what you have done, and you can waste your entire life fearing and speculating about the future.  If you do this, you will go nowhere.

Or, you can choose to learn from the past.  Acknowledge failure, loss, missed opportunities  - but keep focus on you present.  Make decisions based on fact not speculation. 


You know when you place your hand on a hot stove it will burn you because you did it before - so don't do it again.  You would think it was ridiculous if you saw someone repeatedly touch the hot stove over and over.  Kicking themselves because, once again, they failed and burned themselves but not learning.  Or, they sit there with a burned hand and just stare at it hour after hour.....instead of getting up treating it and moving on.

We have all heard people talk about 'licking wounds'.  When you think about it, it has it's place.  An animal will lick a wound to heal it.  However, if they continually lick the wound - and just wont stop.  That wound will never heal properly. 

The same with us.  If we fail, and just sit in the corner and lick our wounds, how will we ever move forward?

I have spent way too much of my life sitting there, looking at my past, obsessing about it.  Afraid to look at my present or my future because my focus was my past.  What bondage that is.

Instead of acknowledging my past, keeping my focus on my present and what I CAN do now, not what I CAN'T do, and then taking the future as it comes.

It's amazing what focus can do.

Oh, it's not easy.  You will be tested at first a lot.  You will want to look back in self-pity and regret, or forward with fear....but you have no control over either.

There is ONE thing you can control though.

One thing and that is.....

How you react to your reality, your now, this moment....

God, well He is totally capable of handling everything else.

completely unearned

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

What an amazing gift we have, Jesus' love.  So undeserved, so unearned.  What peace it gives us when we know this. When we realize that no matter what the problem is, no matter how high the mountain, how low the valley, He is there and loves us so much.

There is no one that is more precious than another.  Not one of us who have earned the amazing gift of grace.  

In fact, even though we fail, sin, and wander - a lot - He still loves us.

It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in everything that is wrong, to get caught up in all the stuff around me.  

But there is nothing, absolutely nothing that I have done or will do that will surprise Him.

There will never be a time when I will go to God, on my knees and confess a sin that He will say to me....hmmmm well, when I sent my Son to die for your sins....I was not really thinking about 'that'...sooo ahh yea - never mind.


It just wont happen.


He died for us while we were 'still' sinners.....He won't be caught off guard, we can't surprise Him with a situation that he was not expecting.....just can't be done.


The world gives us that....'conditional' sin/acceptance/forgiveness......

God gives us perfect Love and Complete Forgiveness.

How beautiful!!  How amazing!!   How blessed we are!!

embracing the mundane

It's during the mundane that the amazing happens.

Really, think about it.

Did David wake up thinking he was going to kill a Giant that day?

Really, it was probably just an ordinary day.  In fact, it may have been an ordinary day - turned annoying - turned triumphant.

Why?

Well, think about it.  He woke up, probably had chores to do, sheep to tend, etc.  Then his Dad asks him to basically go on a food-delivery run for his brothers who were fighting the Philistines.  This then set a series of events into motion that ended up with David defeating Goliath.

Moses.

He had fled Egypt, doing his regular thing, minding his own business - just another day - when a Burning Bush talked to him.....which then set another series of events into motion that changed the world.

Could it be, that we have opportunities every day to do amazing things - but miss them because we are so busy grumbling about our 'have-to' lists, or feeling sorry for ourselves because our work is mundane and ordinary - not exciting and fun?

Are we missing Amazing because we are too busy looking outside of our current situation, instead of inside?

Are we waiting for Amazing to be dropped in our laps, when it is right under our feet - if we would just look?


I believe that it's right smack in the middle of the mundane the extraordinary lies - we just have to have our eyes ready to see it.

GREAT OPPORTUNITIES ARE HIDDEN AMONG THE SMALL MENIAL TASKS.

Galatians 6:3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Jesus himself came to serve, nothing was beneath him.

John 13:15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.

So, today - when I get behind the slowest person ever at the checkout lane.....instead of getting frustrated, I should think of what is around me, look for that hidden opportunity in the mundane.

Is there someone I should help?  Talk to? Does God just want me to slow down a bit so he can have a moment?

Embrace the mundane, you never know what extraordinary opportunity may be right under your nose.

color me failure

How often do you color a situation in your mind before you live it?  I think we all do at one time or another.  We pull out our mental crayons and begin to scribble in the lines with what we 'think' will be the right colors, never bothering to think that we may be wrong.

How often do we drag our past baggage into a situation in our lives where it just does not belong?  Because we see it as a Kevlar-Vest of sorts to 'shield' us from being hurt.  As if everyone is out there, poised to take any opportunity they get to throw the first dart.

How often, by doing these things, are we undermining opportunities in our lives? Only to look back and think - "I 'knew' that would not work", "I 'knew' they would end up hurting me". 

Really?   You 'knew'?

Or is it, we sabotaged opportunities and situations in our lives before they even have a chance to become anything more than failure?

Oh, I am not saying that you should not be cautious, but I am saying that we should not be all too ready to be the cynic or judge in every situation.

I lived so much of my life being both.

A cynic and a judge.

Neither role was right for me.

Both brought pain, and loss.

I was the queen of being able to somehow, 'know' what people were thinking.  When, in reality, I was only casting my 'fears' of what I 'thought' they were thinking - unfairly.

Who knows how many opportunities I may have missed along the road?  How may people I pre-judged and never allowed the opportunity to see the beauty they hold?  Only God knows for sure.


We have to learn to live each moment for what it is.

Sometimes we will get hurt.

Sometimes we wont.

Sometimes we will learn something about ourselves.

Sometimes we will learn something about someone else.

Each is an opportunity.  A unique, and special opportunity.

Fear will keep us back, judging, casting our fears on the situation and coloring it failure before it even has a chance to become anything else.

So, when I look at a situation now that bristles my inner porcupine....I do the following.

Stop

Breath

Pray

Identify what my 'fear' is.

Honestly look at that fear and see if it is based on a past experience that is coloring my view, or if there is a tangible fear that I need to address.

Acknowledge what the opportunity could teach me or what it can do for others.

Ask God for wisdom.

Walk into the situation with a teachable heart, leaving all preconditions and past hurts at the door, and embrace the situation for what IT is, not for the color I chose.

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.
~Unknown

what makes you uncomfortable?

What makes you uncomfortable?  What makes you shrug up your shoulders and squint up your eyes when you thing about it?

Everyone has something.

When you feel compassion towards someone or something, you want to help, you want to do something.

Then the fear, doubt, and discouragement starts.

You could never do that!

You are not smart enough!

You do not have the resources.

No one will understand, and they may think you are crazy!

These are just some of the voices we hear in our head when we make a decision to step outside of our comfort zone.

Where do these voices come from?

Why are they so quick to surface?

How do they know exactly what to say?

Here is the answer.

It's the enemy.  Pure and simple.

He has the spirit of fear and knows exactly how to use it on each and every one of us. 

He is an expert, and has been honing his craft for centuries upon centuries.

He is an aggressive anti-supporter who will tear out of the gate at all expense. 

He knows, when you step to the edge and peer out over the boundaries of your comfort zone, with that inquisitive look....it's time to act.

He knows, those first few minutes, hours, days are the most crucial.

If he can stop you there, he has won.

He throws everything he can at you, because he knows the importance of an attack that just keeps coming.

He wears you down until you just....give up.

So, what can be done?  How can you defeat such a cunning and determined foe?

One word....Prayer.

It is amazing what is available to us through Prayer.

Its amazing the power prayer has.

It seems too simple.

Too easy.

The enemy will try to convince you that it is not worth it.  How can words, simple words matter?

You are dealing with 'reality' right?

He will do everything to keep you from praying.

You may feel too tired to pray.....that's when you pray more.

You may feel too defeated to pray.....that's when you pray more.

You may feel too sinful and unworthy to pray.....that's when you pray more.

We may fall victim to fear, however the enemy has no defense against prayer.

Its not because our words are so powerful.

Its not because we have power in and of ourselves.

It's simply because our prayers are to Jesus.  

The one who has defeated him before, and will defeat him once and for all in the future.

The one who's name strikes fear into the very being who wields it to destroy His followers.

The Enemy wins if we allow his fear and lies to overcome and paralyze us.

Jesus wins the moment we look to Him, and say we are weak, suffering, and call on His name for refuge, help, comfort, peace.

So, when you start to feel the fear in a situation.

Pray

When you start to feel defeated

Pray

When you start to feel weary

Pray

When you start to feel victory

Pray and rejoice

restless minds

 
I have this entire week off of work.   Our company closes twice a year, once the week of the 4th of July and the other the week of Christmas.  It is great for me because my kids are home from school during both times, but strange also since I am use to working, a lot.

God has been dealing with me over the past three years, and He has come a long way in teaching me how to balance work with family. 

For so long I poured myself into work, and the family - well they got the rest....the leftovers.

There are many reasons why I did this - but one of them was for how 'good' it felt for me.

You see work, (for the most part) was controllable to me.  I could control much of my surroundings, my projects, how I portrayed myself.  I reveled in the praise these accomplishments brought and strove for greater responsibility (and pay).  Then, when I received either one, I had to pour more of myself into work, which just by basic math resulted in less of 'me' for my family.

My family ended up with the left-overs, of the left-overs - both in time and in my emotions and attention.

This was my way for years, and years, and years.  I laughed at the idea of 'submission', to me that was outdated and for the weak.  And, if I was to label myself it would have been 'Christian Feminist'.

How much I see now, those are two words that should never be grouped together.  I understand now, I am nothing in and of myself.  I also understand that it is not 'weak' to be submissive, just the opposite in fact - it takes a very STRONG person.  Humble is not a put down, but something to be sought after.

So now, I find myself at home, without the obligation to check into work or finish a project before I play.  It feels odd, but at the same time liberating and nice.

Last night, however, I was restless.  My evening and my subsequent dreams that night - - even my prayers this morning.  I felt like all of my thoughts were in a giant mix-master and I was just watching them spin around hoping to see something I could reach in and grab that made sense to me.

We have had so much change this year, and there is still more to come.  Some things that I am fully aware of, and others that I simply have a 'feeling' are about to change, the burbling before the announcements.  I think that was part of the 'restless' feelings.

The other part is the fact that I still struggle to let it all go to God.  I still want to control, map out, script, full knowing that I can't.

So, today I decided to try to relax.  I went to the pool with my Mother and Kids and just 'chilled'.

The restlessness has subsided a bit.  Not because of my pool time, but because it allowed me to slow down enough to remember a few things.

God has not let me down yet....and He never will.

It is not about the things, or even people around me.  My relationship is with God - the wonderful people and things that are in my life are just passing.

A gift from God - - for just a time as this.

Sometimes you meet awesome people, who help you become a better person - only for those people to move on.  You keep them in your hearts, but that time....that special time....was just "   " there - it was never meant to be forever.

The constant is God.  It always has been, and forever will be.

Thank you God for being my Constant....even when I was not looking at you, or even for you.  You were still there.  The same yesterday, today, and forever.

he is your remedy

I love this song, and it really spoke to me today. So here is my Friday Song.

Remedy by David Crowder Band

Here we are

Here we are

The broken and used

Mistreated, abused

Here we are

Here You are

Here You are

The beautiful one

Who came like a Son

Here You are

So we lift up our voices

We open our hands

To cling to the love

That we can't comprehend

Oh, lift up your voices

And lift up your heads

To sing of the love

That has freed us from sin

He is the one

Who has saved us

He is the one

Who embraced us

He is the one who has come

And is coming again

He's the remedy

Here we are

Here we are

Bandaged and bruised

Awaiting a cure

Here we are

Here You are

Here You are

Our beautiful King

Bringing relief

Here You are with us

So we lift up our voices

And open our hands

Let go of the things

That have kept us from Him

He is the one

Who has saved us

He is the one

Who forgave us

He is the one who has come

And is coming again

He's the remedy

Oh, I can't comprehend

I can't take it all in

Never understand

Such perfect love come

For the broken and beat

For the wounded and weak

Oh, come fall at His feet

He's the remedy

He's the remedy

So sing, sing

You are the one

Who has saved us

You are the one

Who forgave us

You are the one who has come

And is coming again

To make it alright

Oh, to make it alright

You're the remedy

Oh, in us

You're the remedy

Let us be the remedy

Let us bring the remedy 

change and the next chapter

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

 Oh, how true that is.


Yesterday I felt that 'melancholy' feeling, and it stuck with me for awhile.  Now, this use to be the type of thing that would send me off on a rant, upset and feeling jilted.  

Now, though - I still feel the melancholy, or as I called it yesterday the 'bummed' feeling of the change, but it does not conquer me, and I choose not to let it stir up thoughts of how God must not understand what I need, what I want....  

I allow myself to 'feel' the close of one chapter even when there is a pause before the next chapter can begin without letting 'fear' seep through and grow.


I am not sure what will be around the next corner, and so sometimes it can become too easy to wallow in the sadness of the loss of one thing a little too long because we do not know what to look forward to....yet.

This past year has been full of a lot of changes for me personally, my family and my church.  Some of it very painful, some of it really nice, some of it....well it was just simply change.

So, as I close out June along with some chapters in my life, I look towards July as a month of...

reflection


searching


and most of all prayer, for what the next chapter will hold.  


The next chapter may be a long one, or a short one - that I do not know - and I don't think God always allows us to know.


Whatever it is, instead of wringing my hands worrying about 'what's-next'.... I will simply look to God for direction.


Oh, I have ideas of what I 'want' my next chapter to be like, but I have learned over this past year that really it's up to God.  


Not my will God, but your will be done. And, when you are in God's will - it's crazy but you end up at peace.

 

these two things

I believe there are two things that paralyze the majority of us and keep us from stepping outside of our comfort zone.  Just two things.

Now the list of things outside my comfort zone??....now that list is much longer.

Things like.....

Fear of being wrong.  Fear of failure.  Fear of looking foolish.  Fear of being hurt.  Fear of being alone.....Fear of.......

I think you see the trend here.

Fear

What is 'Fear'? 

Well the dictionary defines fear as.. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Whether the fear is 'real' or 'imagined'......

Now, what does the Bible say about this?

To start there are two kinds of 'Fear'.   One is encouraged, the other is to be overcome.

The first is 'Fear of God'.  This type of fear does not mean we are to be afraid OF God, but rather have a reverential awe towards God.  With this type of 'Fear' in God, brings blessings and benefits.

The second 'Fear' is the 'Spirit of Fear' when it comes to everything else.   This, Spirit of Fear - is to be overcome....

2 Timothy 1:7  for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

 How do we overcome this spirit of 'Fear'?  By our consistent, persistent, and complete love of and dependence on God!


God knew we would fall victim to 'Fear' like this, and that's why He placed reference to overcoming this type of 'Fear' throughout the Bible.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Matthew 10:31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

All of these verses point us to God when we feel fear overcome us and envelop our lives.

The second 'thing' is being alone.  

The enemy will try to convince us that we are alone...

No one else is going through what you are going through.....

No one will understand......


No one will forgive you.....

Fear.....isolation.... two very powerful conditions.

But, just as God let us know that we do not need to have a Spirit of Fear, He also let us know we are not alone.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter 5:6-9 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him,

God loves us and cares for us.  When we have faith and trust in him, and ask for His will to be done, it is amazing what he can do to the perimeter of our comfort zone.  


Funny thing, I use to Pray as a 'last resort'.  How much pain and fear I allowed to overtake my life because I would not Pray First....  

So, at the first sign of Fear do not hesitate to go to God.

At the first sign of feeling alone, remember you are not, God is there for you.


God is here, everywhere, always.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

poised on the edge of my comfort zone

I am standing at the perimeter today, looking outside my comfort zone.

That's all at this point, just looking, contemplating, wondering.

I have an opportunity to step outside, and I am weighing it very carefully. 

There is a part of me that is scared to death and can think of every excuse in the book to NOT do it. 

A part of me that wants to just jump off the cliff fast...like ripping off a band-aid. 

And, yet another part that is just standing there....staring at the cliff/boundary and just looking. 

Finally, the a part of me that just whispers.....pray.  Which is exactly what I intend to do.

I will pray for God to confirm in me that this is the direction He wants me to go.  I will pray that my pounding heart will be calmed, that peace will rise and fear will fall.

I will pray most of all for God's will to be done, and not mine.

Are there times when you found yourself looking over the edge of you comfort zone?  Did you take the step?  Did you turn and walk back into the center?  Did you pray for God to direct?

faith

Of course, I think everyone would agree that stepping out in faith is hard to do.


Especially the first few times you do it.

How do you collate your heart and your head with faith?  Quite simply, you don't.

I have tried.  I have spent hours trying to read, find, discover the secret that would bring my head-knowledge into agreement with faith so my mind will say...'oh, ok that makes sense' - - and I have come to the conclusion that you can't.

Your mind, will only understand logic, and faith is not logical.  To us anyway.

To God, it makes perfect sense.

So, what do I do?

I simply walk up to the cliff....................and step off.

The cliff of my understanding, of my reasoning.

The cliff of almost 40 years of 'knowledge'.

I take one step, then another, then another......

Even though I do not know what lies down the road, around the corner, or over the next hill.

It's ok.

I don't have to know.

God knows, and as long as I focus on my 'next step' He will focus on what is down the road.